• November 21, 2019
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Note to Jake: whatever garbage you come up with is wrong. Naps are superior and NOBODY can convince me otherwise. When I’m 127 and people ask me how I’m still alive I’m going to tell them it’s because I took a nap almost every day. And you won’t be able to argue with me then cause you’ll be dead. No cap.

A: Napping is quintessential to human life. In today’s fast-paced society the world never sleeps–that doesn’t mean people don’t have to. While most people can’t sleep the recommended seven hours every night, they can set aside time in their day to nap. There really isn’t an argument against napping. It reeps countless benefits: from increasing mood and productivity, to improving overall health. 

J: To get anywhere in this world, you have to embrace the grind. Working long hours, grinding out school assignments, working to improve your standard of living–with so much going on, how can one possibly have time to just lay down and do nothing in the middle of the day? Napping is lazy, inane, and quite simply a waste. In this day and age, passing out in the middle of the day on a weekday is just begging to set yourself behind schedule. What is “healthy” about heaping unnecessary stress on yourself?

A: Many find themselves unnecessarily irritated when they’re tired. Everything others do is significantly more annoying and makes them mad. Nobody wants to be around a grump all day. Taking a nap leaves you energized and increases your mood, making you a more pleasant person to be around. 

J: Here’s a bright idea: SLEEP AT NIGHT. Humans are monophasic sleepers, meaning we only sleep for one distinct period per day/night. A good night’s sleep is one of the most important factors for physical and mental health in humans–but napping puts all that in jeopardy. An extended nap during the day can absolutely ruin your sleep schedule, negatively impacting the length and quality of your nighttime sleep. In addition, napping during the day has a high likelihood of amplifying preexisting sleep issues such as insomnia and narcolepsy. You want to know what would make me “a grump all day?” Not sleeping at night. 

A: Trying to work while you’re tired just isn’t productive. How much are you actually getting done while nodding off? Are you spending more time working or trying to stay awake? Why not just take a nap? It takes significantly more time to work sleep deprived, so napping is definitely the best option. Taking thirty minutes to nap is extremely beneficial and leaves you with more energy to work efficiently.

J: Napping for more than 20 minutes can leave can cause sleep inertia. Sleep inertia can leave post-nappers feeling bogged down, disoriented, and more tired than when they initially went to sleep. The longer the nap, the longer the potential for post-sleep disorientation. All of a sudden that short 30 minute reinvigoration period has dragged on to an hour long space of complete and utter uselessness. Seems real efficient…

A: Naps are undeniably good for your health. Regular, short naps have been proven to decrease stress– lessening the risk of heart disease. Increased sleep is important for boosting your immune system, preventing frequent sickness. Napping also helps improve overall memory and alertness, both of which are necessary in everyday life. Trying to get swole this year? Napping is essential to muscle recovery– helping you become the big buff man you always dreamed of. 

J: Undeniably good for your health? Seriously? Recent studies have shown that naps exceeding half an hour have been linked to diabetes, metabolic syndrome, and even cardiovascular disease. Furthermore, naps consistently indulging in long naps have been shown to dramatically decrease life expectancy–even short naps have a slight chance of decreasing your lifespan. Good luck living to 127 like that. Napping doesn’t increase muscle recovery, SLEEP does. Naps are entirely irrelevant if one simply takes the time to get adequate sleep at night. And you know what? Sometimes you can’t achieve the recommended amount of sleep–and that’s okay. There are more important things to deal with, and getting nine plus hours of sleep and two afternoon cat naps should not be a priority. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

A: Jake is probably going to argue that some people are too busy for naps. He’s wrong. Nobody is too busy for naps. Odds are you’re wasting plenty of time throughout the day doing mindless activities (scrolling through social media, playing video games, watching netflix, whatever). With all of this wasted time, you could be taking a nap and catching up on sleep. If your time is managed correctly, you’ll have time to nap. 

Basically, when Jake dies at the feeble age of 37, it’s because he didn’t take my advice. Without sleep, you lack vibes and without vibes you die. No cap.

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