With a low tolerance for vegetables and fruits, most of my adolescent decision-making moments have ended with me sneaking Cosmic Brownies before dinner or stopping by the gas station on the way home for a bag of Sour Patch Kids. Nutrition, in my home, is simply a word my mom uses as she fights her losing battle.
But I began to realize the truth in what she was saying as clothes became a little bit snug on me, or I couldn’t run as far during my workouts, and so I made some changes. For a few weeks, I drank water instead of soda and cleared the house of any junk foods and sweets. My health and well-being seemed to be taking a turn for the better.
But all good things must come to an end, and one rainy Sunday night, I decided, oh well, you are only young once! And that, dear reader, is how I found myself face-to-face with a 2,010-calorie concoction otherwise known as the PB&C milkshake, courtesy of Cold Stone Creamery.
According to an article in the NY Daily Times, the PB&C shake has the saturated-fat equivalent of 68 strips of bacon. The dessert also has 350 grams of sugar, roughly the same amount you would ingest if you ate 30 chocolate chip cookies.
Why, you might ask, would someone subject themselves to this dietary nightmare? I wondered the same, and after volunteering myself for the challenge, asked my peers what they thought.
“It’s gross,” said Cynthia Briest, junior. “That’s a whole day’s worth of food in ONE milkshake.” Briest is correct in that sense, seeing as the daily recommended caloric intake for a healthy adolescent female weighing less than 160 pounds is 2000 calories.
Mitchell Culy, junior, admittedly adventurous with his food choices, couldn’t believe it when I told him about the dessert. “Personally,” said Culy, “I think it sounds delicious. I don’t even care that it’s two thousand calories. You can sign me up.”
Cold Stone has three different sizes of treats: “Like It,” “Love It,” and “Gotta Have It” (or as it is more commonly known as in the Reed household: “I-Want-To-Die-Tonight” size).
The “Love It” size that I bought had the consistency of melted ice cream and only stayed cold for a couple of minutes. The taste and scent of peanut butter was more than overwhelming and did an excellent job of blanketing the taste of chocolate entirely.
In this instance of bad dietary habits, my tolerance for the sugary treat was much lower than usual, and I found myself praying for the bottom of the cup to show itself. Yet despite every sip I took, the milkshake began to seem more and more endless. I found myself wondering when the misery that was the PB&C milkshake would end. Half way through the dessert, I deemed it necessary to take a break and store the shake in the refrigerator, promising myself that I would return to it once more.
My overall analysis is that the PB&C shake is glorious in theory, but not so much in reality. The peanut butter was too strong, and the calories and cost too high for a milkshake that, honestly, was less-than- perfect culinary 10.
I lost several things in taking on this challenge. My dignity, $5, and all hope of fitting into my original Homecoming dress. I walk away with multiple cavities, but the knowledge that I survived the Coldstone Creamery PB&C.
Virginia Reed is a superb writer and an even better friend. She enjoys unhealthy foods and writing sarcastic articles. Virginia is the Online Editor for the 2011-12 school year and was a Managing Editor for the 2010-11 year but has not forgotten her humble beginnings as a staff writer when she was a wee sophomore. Her goals for the future are to get an A in newspaper and to apply to college in a timely fashion.