Exams (Satire)

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As finals season comes to a start the underclassmen are preparing for not only finals, but a full on assault on seniors.

“I have spent the last 3 months studying for my biology final. I haven’t slept for the past four [months] because there is just too much stress to sleep,” said Micheal Anderson, sophomore.

Anderson’s sister, Emma, is a senior this year. “I have not actually done any homework since the end of the first quarter when I got accepted to E.C.U.,” said Emma

A new group has started at Leesville High School and they are trying to combat “senioritis”. This group is called Underclassmen Against Senioritis. Underclassmen Against Senioritis believes that all seniors should do finals. “It will give them just about the same amount of stress as all of us [underclassmen],” said David Goldberg, the President of Underclassmen Against Senioritis.

Over 50% of the underclassmen have joined this club and another 23% are still deciding whether they should join.

The Wake County School Board had a press conference on 10/29/2022 where the board said, “On our next ballot for the school board, we will vote on whether we should reinstate finals for seniors.” Chris Heagarty, school board representative for district 7 declined any other questions about Underclassmen Against Senioritis.

The seniors have come back with more anger than any other organization that sleeps half of the day. Jacob Brown, senior, is infuriated by what Goldberg has said. “If finals gets reinstated for seniors, I and many other seniors will just not show up. What are they going to do, fail all of us!?” 

In this new and unpredictable situation, the seniors have woken up from their hibernation and have started studying for finals just in case they do get reinstated. “I really do not want to do this, but if they do get reinstated I can’t just fail all of my classes. NC State is asking for my grades and what happens if they see F’s on half of my classes?” said Liam Miller, senior.  

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