When Will Bennett was a young staff writer of sixteen, everything came so easily for him. News articles, features, editorials, and sport spotlights would flow from his elegant fingers into the computer for his dedicated followers to read.
Bennett’s life was a luxurious one, laden with beautiful women beckoning to his every call, and his readers contributing lucrative sums of cash if he ever needed it. He rarely did.
“Yeah, I remember Will. He was the kind of guy that parents wanted to call their own, the kind of guy that women wanted to claim, the kind of guy that everyone wanted to be friends with,” said Jonathan Wendt, perennial procrastinator.
“Will Bennett? Who doesn’t remember that guy; he single-handedly transformed The Mycenaean from an average high school paper into the pride of North Carolina,” said Eric Broer, newspaper advisor.
Unfortunately, as Shakespeare taught us, all tales of greatness and heroism eventually end in unrequited sorrow and tragedy.
Somewhere between his junior and senior year, everything came crashing down around Bennett.
Swept up in purchasing gratuitous amounts of Polo by Ralph Lauren, Bennett quickly lost his passion for writing, and in turn his ability to write.
Slowly, his life began to crumble. As his articles stopped coming in on time, his readers stopped following him.
These same readers stopped paying Bennett his usual cash benefits, and, in turn, women stopped flocking to him like sheep.
The life of glamour was over.
It is rare that great men fall this far: Richard Nixon was vilified for the Watergate scandal, but was pardoned by Ford only a year later.
Charles Kane fell off the face of the Earth into a life of unhappiness and loneliness, but in the end he still lived in the palace Xanadu.
Bennett, however, would have no Xanadu to shelter him, and no Ford to pardon him.
Biographers claim that Bennett’s downfall was due to his fascination with freshmen. They claimed that he realized that there was absolutely no hope for the rest of the world.
Jimmy Carter, former US President, general nice guy, and close friend of Bennett, believes differently:
“Will would always complain about how his newspaper editor [Alex Stewart] would never read his articles anymore; he was always rambling that she didn’t care about him, bless his heart,” said Carter.
In an exclusive interview, this reporter sat down one on one with the infamous William Christian Bennett.
Upon entering his room, Bennett was crumbled in a twisted heap on the carpet of his home, stained with his dignity.
Three empty bottles of IBC Root Beer surrounded his filthy, shirtless body.
“I don’t know how it happened; one minute I was having the time of my life, and the next I’m the most hated man alive. I wouldn’t wish this nightmare upon anyone else,” said Bennett, fighting back tears.
To any rising seniors expecting to slack off their final year of high school, intending to replace articles with Polo, this is a cautionary tale.
Will Bennett is a remarkable staff writer who was recruited from his early days. In fact, before Bennett could even speak, the Mycenaean took serious interest in him. While many consider this practice to be unethical, the Leesville editors disagree. Alex Stewart claims that his contributions to the staff have been “Pullitzer Prize” worthy.
In addition to his writing, Bennett enjoys animals, Freshberry Frozen Yogurt, Hip-hop music, and long walks on the beach. He can often be found on his seaside estate composing original music, writing moving poetry, and balling with old basketball greats like Larry Bird and Michael Jordan.
and he misspelled ‘glamour’ to boot. Tis a hard fall indeed. hopefully, we can all cherish the snuggie article and recall better days – Godspeed, Will Bennett.