Fri. Jul 1st, 2022

Students were quietly reading the November issue of The Mycenaean on Monday, Nov. 16 during SSR and commenting on how well-written the articles were when Principle Scott Lyons’ urgent announcement exploded into classrooms across Leesville’s campus.

“Teachers, I know that you may have already distributed the newspapers, but if you could please collect them, they’ll be redistributed later this week. Check your emails for an explanation,” announced Lyons.

Classrooms immediately began buzzing, with students making wild speculations about what they were not supposed to see in the newspaper. The quicker students were able to slip the papers into bookbags and back pockets for later perusing, as the rest of the papers were swept up by teachers trying to prevent their students from reading another word in the offending issue.

The hallways were buzzing with theories about why the papers were collected and grumblings about the lack of freedom of the press at Leesville. Newspaper editors and staff writers alike had to push through throngs of students begging to know what could have possibly caused the newspapers to be recalled.

“No comment, no comment,” was the only reply heard as the staff donned hats and dark sunglasses in an effort not to be recognized and pestered for the meaning behind the recall.

However, the truth has to come out eventually, and the staff would like to put a stop to the thousands of rumors flying around.

The article in question concerned the secrets of life.

Please bear in mind that this article was never meant to be published. The newspaper staff’s resident genius, Cory Maddox, discovered the secrets of life and wrote an in-depth article detailing his findings. This article was meant to go directly to the President so he could determine whether or not to the alert the nati0n of Maddox’s findings.

Maddox instructed Alex Stewart, Editor, to drag and drop the article into the “For Obama” folder, which Stewart eagerly agreed to, happy to finally have been given a job for once. But sadly, with a slip of the mouse, Stewart failed at even this menial task and accidentally placed the tell-all article into the “For Print” folder.

This mishap caused the article concerning the secrets of life to be placed somewhere in the November issue, which was then printed and distributed to the entire school. Administrators soon discovered the mistake and called for the immediate collection of all the papers before the student population could get a first look at classified information, before the president himself read it.

As we speak, President Obama is perusing Maddox’s secrets of life article and determining what to do with it. As we receive new information, we will keep the Leesville population updated.

And that’s a true story.

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