Wordle Absolutely Sucks (Satire)


“I got it in three!” “I got it in four!” OMG —  shut UP! 

Wordle is taking the world by storm. The New York Times recently bought the hit language game for seven figures, and it just proves how popular the game has become so quickly. These days, it’s almost impossible to go a day without hearing “Have you played today’s Wordle??” 

It’s insufferable. Here, I’ve created a quick list of reasons why the daily six guesses are, at the least, monotonous, and at most, despicable.

  1. It’s useless

In a world where stupidity runs rampant, the last thing people need is a game that actually challenges them to think and expand their vocabulary. Most people are better off playing Clash Royale, or, I don’t know, reading a book. I mean, seriously, most people haven’t even done last night’s required reading of To Kill A Mockingbird, so what is Wordle gonna do? We can ignore the fact that I have a 60 in English right now.

      2. It’s boring

Six guesses to get just one word a day?? We could definitely be doing better things with our time. All you do is type little letters and stare at your wall as you think of more little letters to type, so why don’t we spice it up? Surely the New York Times can spend that hard earned money on a Wordle that turns pink, or gives you a fancy virtual party when you get the word, or lets you fight little enemies with your thumbs for the privilege of typing “Moist” —  All I’m saying is, we could get more creative!

      3. I’m bad at it 

Look, let’s get to the root of the problem. You shouldn’t play Wordle because, honestly, you’re probably  better than me, and that’s annoying. I’m tired of seeing green blocks and “I got it in three!” on Twitter when it takes me more than six tries to guess the word “Later”. Who cares if it’s a brilliant language game captivating the internet and challenging the brains of teens and adults alike? I suck at it!

Honestly, you can play Wordle if you want. If you feel like gaining brain cells, working on your word knowledge, or participating in an entertaining worldwide internet trend, go for it. 

But if you’re like me, and enjoy living in the confortable bliss of mobile phone games and the vocabulary of a sixth grader, stand with me. 

Join the tiny, tiny movement of people that know that Wordle sucks.


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