An open letter to seniors:
Hey, it’s me, your teacher. Yeah, I get it. It’s second semester, you’re tired, I’m tired. So, let’s just get this out of the way. I DON’T CARE IF YOU SLACK OFF.
So, you, the try-hard. Stop. Seriously. The homework is not important. I wouldn’t do it if I were you. And the tests, not hard. Dude, stop stressing.
Tbh, I made the test the night before by copy-pasting questions from online lesson plans while wine drunk on my couch watching Grey’s Anatomy. If I put that little of effort into your tests, why should you study more than the 5 minutes of cramming right before the test? Plus, I’m going to put in 100s for major grades in Powerschools just for you being in class so all I ask is that you show up. You’ll get an A, I promise.
And with the showing up thing, I applaud you guys. Y’all are already in college or have a good idea of what you’re going to do after high school. Why even come to school? Unless you fail your class, I really don’t think your college is going to care that much. Plus, I already told you you’re gonna get an A. And senior exam exemptions–easy. Just come to class. Idc if you sleep the whole time or play on your phone, just be in a seat. Tbh, when I put in a movie or give you worksheets (aka busywork), I’m just going to my desk and napping sitting up or watching more Grey’s Anatomy on my phone.
So, here’s my takeaways: come to class, don’t study, and bool your way through the rest of the year. There’s only a few weeks left, power through, we’ll get through this together. Finish out your senya szn.
A contrasting open letter to seniors:
Hello, it is me, your teacher. In comparison to the former letter, I believe you should not “slack off” during these last few months of your senior year of high school. As an experienced teacher, I have witnessed far too many senior classes that do not take their second semester of senior year as seriously as they should. After all, this is still an institution of learning, you must still learn.
I work hard every day to craft my lesson plans into the best they can be; yet, you all stare at your phones or sleep during my class. Additionally, you ask to use the restroom an unacceptable number of times! How dare you leave my class while I’m speaking! You should be able to attend to your bathroom needs in-between classes.
Furthermore, your senior year presents an opportunity to develop your study and organizational skills before the rigor of college. Although your grades no longer hold the weight they once did, this time allows you to improve and practice important skills.
Honestly, I understand you are tired of the same day-in and day-out in a school you believe you have outgrown. However, you are still children. Keep that in mind. You have never experienced real-world problems such as not being able to find a substitute when you want to take a personal day after you drank too much the night before binge-watching Drew Barrymore movies and crying next to your cat. And, no, that is not why I showed a movie in class yesterday. On an unrelated note, if anyone has any movie suggestions, they are much appreciated because I…my friend…has run out of Barrymore movies to watch.
Back to my point, seniors: Take these last months seriously because they are very, very important and crucial to your success later in life.
*Note: these articles are satire and do not reflect the opinions or views of any Leesville teachers.