Mon. Aug 15th, 2022

After much grueling deliberation, the Oxford English Dictionary named “Selfie” as the word of the year for 2013. “Twerk” was one of the many contestants that did not make the cut. Below is the acceptance speech for “Selfie” and a bitter self-reflective essay from “Twerk.” Enjoy!

These “speeches” can also be read on Page 11 of The Mycenaean’s winter issue, out Monday.

 

Selfie

STONE1STONE2I would like to start by thanking everyone who has made this possible. So first and foremost, thank you, me. I could not have done this without myself.

I would also like to thank the Aussie who first used me in a forum back in 2002. Once I was created, I knew I would do great things.

I would also like to thank all the self-centered teenagers out there who use me everyday. In the last year, my usage rate went up seventeen thousand percent. So for every one time I was used last year, I was used 170 more times this year.

STONE3Overall, I can’t really say I’m surprised by this. I mean, I’m awesome.

When I saw the other words that were in the running, I knew I would win. They could have chosen a word based on new technology — as they often do. They could have even chosen olinguito, an animal we didn’t even know existed until this year. Or heaven forbid (scoffs) they could have picked twerk, but I won’t go there. As you can clearly see, there was no reason for me to fear defeat. I define this generation.

Without me, so many things would not have been possible. Snapchat would have never been created. Imagine Instagram without me? It would just be pictures of food, and that would be just awful.

As I humbly accept this award, I can’t help but look to the future. I hope to grow and inspire even more over the next year.

Twerk

I understand there has been considerable controversy over the past year about me — I’m here to clear the air. I’m not terrible or trashy or anything else I’ve been accused of being. I’m just Twerk, and I’m mad.

From Miley Cyrus to embarassing videos on Vine, there are a lot of things that make me mad. But right now, Selfie is at the top of my list.

Recently, Oxford English Dictionary named Selfie their word of the year. Selfie? Really? Why would a picture of somebody’s own face win Word of the Year while the greatest dance craze known to man — me — is pushed aside onto the Word of the Year “shortlist?”

Because of Selfie’s egocentric stunt, I’m stuck with the likes of “bitcoins” and “binge-watching” — a digital currency no one knows about and a lazy way to spend a Saturday. I am better than the “shortlist,” I assure you.

Selfie taking Word of the Year from me was self-centered. In fact, Selfie is inherently self-centered. Taking pictures of yourself for everyone to enjoy — how is that something the world should reward?

Self-expression, movement — twerking — deserves that recognition. With me, people are creative with their movements, demonstrating how they feel or who they are or any form of self-expression. I am an art. Selfie, well, not so much.

As I said, I know there’s been some controversy around me. But it’s all Miley’s fault I even have a bad reputation. I’m just a dance — nothing illegal. I shouldn’t be criticized for the publicized actions of a 21 year-old girl. I am not defined by the reputation Miley has given me.

Before Miley, my life was different. People knew me for who I was, and they twerked it out every night. But now, things have changed, and people think I’m just awful and vulgar. Mothers don’t want their daughters twerking anymore. They would apparently rather their daughters take selfies.

Is Selfie a good workout? Is Selfie a way to bond with friends? Is Selfie a form of self-expression? No. But I am.

So, yeah, I’m pretty mad about Selfie taking the cake and Miley ruining my reputation. I know I should be Word of the Year — not that trashy, narcissistic Selfie. But I’ll be the bigger person and step down — one day I know I’ll get the recognition I deserve.

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