• December 11, 2019
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Today was like any other day in my bland, ordinary life. After another relaxing day of my senior year, I had a feeling that something was missing, something very important. I had pondered what could be more important than Shakespeare and the Law of Cosines as I drifted between multiple naps during the school day, but I couldn’t quite place my finger on it.

My scholarly activities are usually a relatively minute part of my day, but today was an exception. I thoroughly concentrated on all of my studies, even resolving to stare blankly at my homework after school.

After sitting in front of my uncompleted assignments for two minutes, I picked up the keys to my car. Homework could wait. I remembered what I was missing in my life. I had a higher calling– getting fresh.

I knew exactly where to find the items I needed to obtain “fresh” status– Crabtree Valley Mall.
Before even putting the key into the ignition, my cell phone rang. Surprisingly, it was Will Bennett, fellow senior.

“Can you take me to Crabtree? I just broke up with my girlfriend,” Bennett implored.

I felt bad, but I knew Bennett would just hinder me in my task. I blew him off with the excuse that I was siphoning gas and then proceeded to the mall.

As I entered Hudson Belk, I was overwhelmed with the selection of fine clothing offered. I chose several items of ludicrous value and sauntered up to the counter. Reaching into my pocket, I was horrified to discover I had exhausted all of my meager funds.

I had previously purchased a handful of overpriced five-pound gummy bears at the Popalops candy store.

I was descending into a pit of despair deeper than that of the Sanderson Varsity Football team. Just as I was considering abandoning my quest for freshness altogether, my heart skipped beat when I saw Brett Bischler, senior.

“I love Polo,” he remarked.

After explaining my dilemma to him, he made a generous offer to pick up my tab. He then went on to explain the correlation between clothing and “freshness.”

“Wearing Polo, Vineyard Vines and Hugo Boss is how I stay fresh. And I also keep my hair done, nails done, everything done.”

On my way out of the mall, I ran into KC Clarke, senior. I knew Clarke had already attained “fresh” status, so I decided to dig deeper into the secrets of style. Clarke commented, “To be fresh, you have to be original, be an individual, have that swag. You also have to smell good because the ladies love it.”

When asked where he purchased his clothing, Clarke wrinkled his face in disgust.

“Never tell people where you get your clothes from. They will bite your style. The only thing I can tell you is wear ‘geeked’ up glasses, hat on your belt loop and skinny jeans.”

It was now clear that freshness wasn’t so much about specific clothing, but originality instead.

To verify Clarke’s claims, I asked Morgan Papanestor, senior, about her views on freshness via text message. “I think fresh men carry themselves confidently, and I appreciate that,” she said.

Clarke said it best: “Freshness is about confidence, and you can’t buy that.”

Author

wendtj@yahoo.com
American rapper and entertainer. He is most usually recognized for his long-standing rap beef with Kiley "KZA" Blades and work in the East Coast underground hip hop scene. Word Up magazine has described "The Jellyman" as a man with "ridikulus swagga and quick-witted rhymes", and his 2009 single, "Throw Ya Snuggies in da Ayer" was heavily distributed as a classic throughout the suburbs of Raleigh. Jon had the unique experience of being surrounded by noted rappers in the Raleigh area as a young child. These early encounters with hip hop led him to begin rapping at the young age of 10 in the presence of the local gang bosses who would employ "The Jellyman" to freestyle for their personal entertainment. At the age of twelve, Jonathan Wendt was recruited into the Wutang Clan, which he left after a short span of one year.

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