Top 10 Reasons to take Newspaper


Thinking about registering for Newspaper?  Consider these things first!

1)      You learn to never procrastinate.  Maybe you’ve gotten into that habit in other classes, but Newspaper, that’s a whole different story.  Staff writers never turn in late work—and missing articles—wow, that’s unheard of.  In fact, everyone finishes their articles the day they were assigned.  Sometimes even weeks in advance.

2)      Mr. Broer is a fashionista.  Hawaiian shirts and sandals galore.  Just ask Katie Bellino, the class stylist and photographer.  She handpicks his wardrobe and pre-approves outfits before Mr. Broer ever makes an appearance. 

3)      You’ll learn to abbrev. in no time.  It’s totally conven.  Katy Huis will teach you within secs.  It’s totally perf. for shortening long articles.

4)      Everyone is totally organized, and these skills will immediately rub off on you too.  No one is ever confused about due dates.  There’s no need to keep track of anything either because everyone in Newspaper has a photographic memory— calendars, flip charts, or any other type of organizational tool is obsolete. 

5)      The editors are never stressed out.  Especially Amy Kreis.  Pierre is one who takes on most of the work load, so Amy is always super chilled out. 

6)      You’ll never have to do your math homework again!  Just hire Wong-Soo Lee.  He’ll even pay you to let him do it for you.  The boy lives for mathematics and Brain Game.  Besides, sleeping twenty minutes a day releases a rare chemical into the brain, perfect for problem solving!

7)      Newspaper is a completely serious environment.  Nobody ever jokes around or goofs off.  And satirical articles are entirely out of the question.

8)      The room is always a quiet environment, conducive to hard work and diligence.  No one ever talks during class…and if they do…let’s just say they disappear.  Don’t ask about the legend of Alex Schuler.  Nobody knows what happened to her…but let’s just say…she was a talker.

9)      You get to make fun of—I mean… learn more about vegans and their dietary torture—I mean habits.  And Mr. Broer never lectures on about blood-dripping steak.

10)   Print space is never wasted on stupid list articles.  They’re just bad work ethic, and no one on staff would ever stoop to writing one when pressed with a deadline.  Ever.


  1. 11) Michael Wojciechowski will never ever under any circumstances will visit you. He never interupts class or brings Juice Boxes to satisfy your thirst.


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