“Goodbye” might be one of the hardest conversions that two people must have, often signifying not just the end of conversation, but an entire relationship. Goodbye can come in many forms: a hug, a kiss, a wave, or even a text.

When relationships end, letting the person go is an essential piece to moving on with your life. Letting go is not a failure to love, but a way to grieve the relationship. 

Letting someone go is an essential piece to personal growth and success in future relationships. But how does one come to terms with letting go of the past? 

Moving on often brings in a rush of negative feelings. A person must accept that their life has changed, that their last relationship no longer serves a purpose, and come to terms with the fact that the person they once knew is no longer going to be a part of their life. 

Before letting someone go, you are going to get hurt. There is always an emotional barrier when admitting that something is over. 

It is human nature to feel guilt or like something has failed when a long-term connection is severed. Even if the relationship brings you more harm than happiness, people don’t like to think they have failed. People don’t want to hurt the other person if they are not in agreement to end the relationship. 

Losing an important person in your life comes with the fear of losing the person that you were with them. There is a fear that specific people bring out “ the best”  in you and if you lose that person, you might lose “the best” parts of yourself. 

One of the hardest realizations is that you aren’t mourning the loss of the current individual, but the loss of the memory of who they used to be to you. The version of them that you had a connection with will begin to change. Soon, the memories you have of them will be different to who they are in everyday life. It is necessary to accept the fact that they are no longer your person and memories are the only way to get that person back. 

Walking away, or even accepting that a relationship is over, can feel like a punch to your heart if you are mourning the time and effort already invested. Letting go is the final step in accepting the fact that the efforts made during the relationship does not equate to its current value. One cannot be expected to care as deeply if the relationship dynamic has changed. 

It is reasonable for someone to stay hung up on a person, or the idea of a relationship, after a long term connection — even if it is harmful to their mental health. Staying in contact with a person you used to be emotionally attached to feels safe or even comfortable, but many times it is a recipe for emotional turmoil. 

So how does one go about letting go of a long term relationship?

After the relationship ends, it is important to realize why you are letting them go. Letting them go simply means that their role in your life shifts. This person may no longer be in your top three favorites, or someone that you talk to everyday, but they don’t disappear. Letting go of them should be a choice. It is an agreement with yourself to prioritize your peace and be open to newer, healthier relationships. 

Slowly reducing contact, not initiating plans, and keeping conversation brief are easy ways to allow for a person to faze out of your life. Talking once a month, instead of everyday, is like a nicotine patch for ending relationships. 

If you decide to let a person go, it can feel like an overbearing amount of loss. Mourning the relationship you had, or the potential you had hoped for, is a healthy way to move forward with your life. This form of grief must be addressed before you can be “moved on”. The emotions must be felt, whether they manifest into anger, sadness, or even relief. It is important that you give yourself the proper time to understand that you are not just losing the person, but the future you had envisioned with them. 

A person letting go, must decide within themselves, how hard they are willing to commit to moving on. It is something that cannot be done halfway. Without consistency and limiting access to the past person, progression towards feeling “over” that person is hard to come by. 

Yet it does not all have to be sad. Channeling your energy into something else is a great way to redirect your time and energy previously spent on the relationship. Focus on completing your personal goals, nurturing other healthy connections, and engaging in self-care practices. Each of these things will help to ensure that you are productive and better your future lifestyle. 

It is okay to let someone go. It is a way of releasing your tie to them, and should feel like a breath of fresh air. It allows you to create space for new connections, or hobbies to better yourself. It gives you time to add things that reflect your values and support your goals.

Letting go of someone is an ultimate act of self-care. It is a choice to stop investing your time and energy into a relationship that is no longer benefitting you. While the process is painful, forcing one to deal with anger, guilt, and sadness of what was lost, it can also be reviving. By removing a tether to a person, you create space for new connections and hobbies that will bring light to your life. 

Letting go is not a failure of love. It is a way to prioritize building a stable and happier future for yourself.