The Six Stages of Back to School Grief

All Wake County Public Schools that follow the traditional calendar have officially begun. Last week marked the start of another school year for over 160,000 students — including the 2,500 Leesville students forced to drag themselves out of bed for a 7:25 am bell. 

Going back to school feels like its own version of the five stages of grief, but in high school, students have to work through six. 

The six stages of going back to school are denial, nerves, confusion, the “oh no” moment, exhaustion, and acceptance.

1. Denial

The week before school starts, teenagers hear that they must “readjust” their lifestyle. They can no longer stay up until 2:00 am doomscrolling and sending their friends various “67” TikToks, right? 

In a high schooler’s brain, this would be wrong. Until Sunday night, as their parents are screaming that they must get sleep, teenagers are in the denial phase of going back to school. Who says Monday means rushing from upstairs main to basement Murphy? Who says Monday will be filled with bells and books? Until that first bell rings on Monday morning, it is still summer. 

2. Nerves

Away from the nonchalant upperclassmen, fresh meat has to deal with the first week of school — freshman. Students entering a new school are going to experience nerves. 

The night before a new school year begs many questions. What to wear? What time should I set my alarm? Who is going to be in my first period? 

Many things that are out of a student’s control turn their stomach into knots and keep their mind spinning for hours. 

Fiona Snyder, a freshman at Leesville, said, “When I was walking in [on the first day], I was nervous because I didn’t know everyone who was going to be in my classes.” 

It is the sense of uncertainty that creates tension for the hundreds of thousands of students entering their first week of school. 

3. Confusion 

Once the nerves pass, confusion begins to set in. Each new year includes a new schedule, a different walking path, and new people. Not to mention the change in routine as new upperclassmen can now take free periods and leave campus for lunch. 

The first few days of school are used to adapt to your new routine at school, but it is easy to get lost. 

Snyder said, “There are a lot of people, especially when I am changing my classes and it’s a big building so it’s easy to get mixed up.”

Additionally, starting a new school year means learning your new routine. For upperclassmen, this could mean the newfound freedom of off-campus lunch.

Noah Rosato, senior, recalled his first time leaving campus. “Yeah, it was stressful figuring out how to get back on time. I think they need to add more time [to lunch] because a lot of people aren’t getting off and then coming back on time.” 

The confusion that comes from managing a new schedule forces students to grow their self-control and responsibility. 

4. Realization 

Next, students hit the “oh no” moment of being back in school. School is the home of very unique experiences — having your hair fall due to school hair, being forced to watch an ad to turn on a VPN, and hearing a fire alarm go off at 8:30 in the morning. 

Yet, that “oh no” moment usually comes when students get their first homework assignment, the first quiz announcement, or take out their calendar to mark the inevitable AP exam date.

Oh no, I am back in school. Oh no, I can’t play Block Blast tonight because I need to read.

Adam Fuller, junior, said, “[My oh no moment was] being in AP Environmental Science when she made us put our phones in the bin. It got to me. I was away from my phone, you know, like so far, and I missed it.” 

Coming back to school means realizing that your summer is over, and it is finally time to do work. 

5. Exhaustion 

By Wednesday or Thursday, attendance is starting to drop off. Waking up at 6:00 am feels like a death sentence. Students have already hit the exhaustion phase. 

Sales of Alanis and Monster Energy drinks skyrocket. Blinking in class turns into just resting my eyes.

Kieran Groves, junior, said, “Energy is already low… I know I’m going to do well in school, but I don’t want to be here.” 

6. Acceptance 

As much as students like to complain, eventually everyone comes around. 

Rosato said, “ Probably by the end of this week, I will be back into the swing of things.” 

A routine begins to set in — you know which stairwell isn’t traffic-jammed after lunch, how long it really takes to get off campus, and how to balance resting with homework — it just takes time. 

In this phase, students begin to plan their after-school activities and join clubs. They begin to look forward to all things school that are not academic. 

Fuller said, “[I’m looking forward to] prom.” 

Groves said, “Football season, sports, and hanging out with my friends… will keep me happy and motivate me to be productive in school.” 

As students go through each stage of this summer grief, they will be able to push through by following a routine, being involved in extracurriculars, and branching out of their comfort zone. 

Acceptance may not mean being back in summer, but it comes with Friday night football and the promise of prom.