The viral “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” Vogue article by Chanté Joseph has sparked huge controversy across the internet. Joseph argues that by observing recent trends and content on social media, the consensus is that having a boyfriend is something to be embarrassed about.

Personally, I think this article was rigid and off-putting. I came out of it not knowing how to feel, and it took me three more reads to understand her true message. The author’s point is that having a boyfriend has become “cringe” on social media because being single and independent is much more of a flex. 

While reading, it was clear the author is stuck on one side of social media – viewing only the content that connects to her argument. While this was completely expected (considering it’s an opinion piece), it was also troubling to read how millions of people on the internet view women in happy relationships, her included.

Joseph’s argument isn’t entirely off base, as she explains the newfound pride in being a single woman. For centuries, women have struggled to have agency without the help of a man or husband. But in recent decades, women are finally able to express themselves fully without men being a necessity in their lives. 

I completely agree with the fact that being single is something to be proud of. Anyone should be able to choose how to live their lives, and being able to support yourself entirely alone is a huge feat. But I also argue that no one should feel ashamed or guilty for loving someone else and wanting to show it. 

Joseph references creators who have experienced this boyfriend backlash, and the facts don’t lie. Followers hate to see their favorite influencer get a boyfriend, and soon notice her content become dulled down and less engaging. Arguably, your content shouldn’t be affected by your significant other unless it revolves around them. A boyfriend should be adding to your life, not dulling it down or controlling it, even unknowingly. 

I don’t know if I’m on the wrong side of social media, but I have yet to see an influencer I follow be shamed or hated on in a comment section for starting a relationship. If anything, I see them praised by their followers and congratulated on finding love and happiness. 

Joseph also discusses the shame a woman can feel from posting her boyfriend on social media when the dating field is so limited. I agree with her point that bragging or showing off a boyfriend can be annoying and possibly inconsiderate, but never posting them at all feels excessive. To expect someone to completely ignore their partner’s existence online is unrealistic. 

Imagine marrying the love of your life and not posting wedding pictures on Instagram because it’s “embarrassing” and “lame.” At that point, why get married? Being so obsessed with your peer’s opinions to the point where you’re embarrassed to post your husband? If I were the husband, I’d be embarrassed by your insecurities. 

All this to say, no one is forcing women to post photos they don’t want to. But when their reasoning is “it’s embarrassing, and my followers won’t like it,” then it’s time for some self-reflection rather than evaluating the comment section. 

Since Joseph’s article heavily revolves around social media’s reaction to “boyfriend content,” I want to discuss “girlfriend content.” By this, I mean content created by a man about their wife or girlfriend. It’s significantly less common than boyfriend content, but is substantially more popular. Is it because viewers simply see less of it, hence making it easier to tolerate? Or is there some deep-rooted misogyny behind it?

Stephen (@dadlifewithstephen), a male creator on TikTok, makes content that revolves around taking care of his house and family. He posts videos of himself cleaning his home, cooking, or taking care of his child. In almost every video, he mentions his wife and how he loves doing these things to make her life easier. Both men and women in the comments praise him for his dedication to his family. The same people immediately assume his wife isn’t doing enough, and he recently addressed some of the hate they’ve received in a recent video.

According to Joseph, viewers are happy to see a female creator being single and independent. From my research, they also love to see a man who supports his girlfriend, but not a woman who supports her boyfriend. 

The rise of individualism and self-reliance, especially among women, has had a big impact on people’s reactions to heterosexual relationships. With women’s ability to completely provide and support themselves, there has been a recent trend of hyper-feminist propaganda on social media. The concept of a woman having kids and starting a family is being “anti-feminist” because she isn’t showing off her ability to be single and independent. 

It often seems like “having a boyfriend is embarrassing” because women today are so scared of going backwards. If we admit that being a “boyfriend-girl” is socially acceptable, it can feel like the first step in going back to a time when women simply didn’t have the choice. Incredible people before us have fought for centuries to get the rights and opportunities that we as women often take for granted. But the beauty of their fight is that it allows minorities around the world to choose which path they want to take. 

Social media is a place of wonder and terror. Each and every person has their own opinions and beliefs they can share on the internet, and the ability to do as they wish. I highly respect Joseph and all the women like her who take pride in being single and have built a magnificent life for themselves without the help of a man or partner. I also respect the women who love out loud and those who are content in rejecting the narrative.