Students Panic as Prom Looms Closer (Satire)


Obviously, high school is the “best time of our lives,” but then there’s stress about prom. 

“I don’t have a date,” said Susan, a senior here at Leesville. “I’m going to be sooo embarrassed, and people are going to think I’m UGLY!” She is right to worry: if you don’t have a date to prom, you’ll die alone.

Susan has asked seven different guys and all of them said no. 

Also, many people in long term, serious relationships are worrying. 

“We’ve been, like, dating for three weeks. If he doesn’t do a promposal I’m going to dump him,” said Lisa, a junior at Leesville. 

Meanwhile, John, her boyfriend of less than a month, is panicking: “I’ve legit been planning this the whole relationship, so a very long time. It has to be perfect. I’ve memorized a dance routine and made a cake like I saw on Netflix. Normally I’d just walk up to her and ask like a normal person but people are getting really into prom stuff this year.” 

Promposals definitely work. 

In fact, I think there’s no way that all of the promposals are by people already dating or talking. I’m sure a guy can walk into any girl’s class with a sign that looks like it was either made by a three year old or looks like his mom worked on it all night and be just fine and not look creepy at all. 

I mean, all these promposals include sports references and inside jokes literally no-one understands. For example, star quarterback Chad, a senior, asked his classmate with a sign saying: “Can I score a touchdown and take you to prom?” What even is a touchdown anyways, and what does it have to do with prom?

Finally, don’t ask anyone in the talking stage. If you know that person is off limits, back off and find someone to ask. We don’t have time for fights and drama before the best night of high school. 


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