Reed experiments with meat cupcakes

The monstrosity itself, photo courtesy of Virginia Reed
The monstrosity itself, photo courtesy of Virginia Reed

When my mom asked me the morning of May 23 if I wanted her to bring me a “peanut butter and bacon cupcake” home that day, part of brain sizzled out and died.

I pride myself on my love for deep fried food and disgusting capacity for excessive amounts of calories per day. But this combination was different from my past challenges, with three separate factors at stake.

The cupcake factor: Though I am not typically one for portion control, I do enjoy the “hand held cake” made for just one. Sometimes you might not like the cake being offered at a party (mint chocolate chip ice cream cake, really?),and cupcakes offer you the more satisfying alternative of choosing one that YOU like, and everyone else just has to deal with it.

The bacon factor: I once saw a T-shirt advertising bacon as “the candy of meats…” truer words have never been spoken or printed onto a T-shirt. Bacon is the only way that I can tolerate salad and what I view as the breakfast of champions (by itself).

The peanut butter factor: I’ve always been more of a jelly girl than a fan of its peanut butter counterpart, unless said peanut butter is candied and stuffed inside of a chocolate Reese’s shell. There’s something odd about enjoying a spread that makes dogs go rabid, but this is coming from the same girl who considered eating fried alligator at the State Fair.

So when I came into the kitchen on Monday afternoon and saw a plate of three peanut butter and bacon cupcakes just sitting there on the counter, I was not sure what to expect. Two bites later, I realized that no mortal would have been capable of knowing what the peanut butter-bacon cupcake would have tasted like.

The cupcake had no taste. For fear of scaring off a potential audience, the baker had over-candied the peanut butter and minimized on bacon, cancelling out the meaty taste altogether.

The cake, though moist and delicious, had no distinct vanilla flavor and … left my lips greasy? “Oh, right,” my mom rushed to explain. “That’s because it’s soaked in bacon grease.”

With that unfortunate knowledge stowed away, I put down the cupcake and walked away the living veteran of a peanut butter and bacon cupcake.


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