Sat. Jul 2nd, 2022

In Leesville Road High School, there are only two constants: The first is that on any given day, Mrs. Jackson will bust a girl for a dress code violation. The second is that no matter how long school has been in session, the water fountains will not work well.

In my four-year tenure at this stalwart school, my biggest complaint is the water pressure of the precious fountains students so thirstily gulp from.

The water rises approximately two inches. This is just high enough for a daring peer to engulf the nozzle with their mouth in an attempt to salvage some sort of thirst-quencher.

Some students, however, are not fond of fondling the fountain with their mouths: “I don’t enjoy making out with the [last person to use the water fountain],” said Andrea Gonzalez, senior.

An anonymous senior, expressed his own difficulties with the fountains. “They are so frustrating. It’s impossible to fill up my water bottle with them.”

Given how low the water pressure is, the senior has a valid point. A water bottle must be angled so low that it literally leaks out, crushing any possibility of a repleted bottle.

The low water pressure would be bearable if we were at least sipping on stellar spring water. Instead, we are left with recycled goop.

“I hate it. It’s the worst thing ever,” said Thomas Sanders, junior.

If I have learned anything from AP US Government, it is that you have to give the people what they want. And this massive clamor for reformed, better tasting, higher-pressured water cannot be ignored.

Some students have far-fetched goals for their fountains. Simon Burke, sophomore, stated that he thought “The [water fountains] should spew fruit punch.”

While this would be a nice change, all that the students are truly asking is for water pressurized at a reasonable height. That cannot be too much to ask.

By Will Bennett, Staff Writer

Will Bennett is a remarkable staff writer who was recruited from his early days. In fact, before Bennett could even speak, the Mycenaean took serious interest in him. While many consider this practice to be unethical, the Leesville editors disagree. Alex Stewart claims that his contributions to the staff have been "Pullitzer Prize" worthy. In addition to his writing, Bennett enjoys animals, Freshberry Frozen Yogurt, Hip-hop music, and long walks on the beach. He can often be found on his seaside estate composing original music, writing moving poetry, and balling with old basketball greats like Larry Bird and Michael Jordan.

2 thoughts on “School water fountains an epic failure”
  1. Loved this article. It provided the best laugh I will have this week. Good luck with getting the pressure you desire!

  2. I guess you’re kinda giving away the “anonymous” senior by giving his last name in the next paragraph…

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